Caddy’s
Caddy’s Strip Club Review 2.9
I’d Rather Be Bowling
I’m not sure if you, our readers, are aware that when we go out to a club every week, we get told a lot of stories from people who have been there before us. We kind of test the waters as it were, so that we can get an idea of what to expect when we arrive. Now, as we were heading down to Caddy’s on Saturday, we had heard a few things; that they had a good reputation in the past, and that they were next to a bowling ally. Both of those were true but only one of them is actually important to this review.
Now like I had said, Caddy’s is right next door to a bowling ally and on the other side is a sports bar called Rumors, so parking here is not an issue. There is plenty of room in either lot with lots of empty spaces for drivers. However, while you’re driving past, you may miss it the first time if you don’t know what you’re looking for. The club itself is on the south side of the street and has a large half Cadillac on it’s marquee and of course I know what you’re thinking, “How the hell could I miss that?” Well we drove right past the damn thing so it’s a good possibility you might as well but there are plenty of lights and small store parking lots to turn around in so it’s not a big deal.
After we walked up to the doors and wondered if the bowling alley was still open, we stepped through and were greeted on the other side by a woman behind a plate of glass who asked us for 3 bucks each. This is the standard cover charge at Caddy’s and it’s in place every day and time of the day so don’t think about going in for lunch on some random Tuesday because you’re still gonna get hit with it. So I handed her a ten dollar bill for the team and waited for my dollar change and instead got handed some tickets and a look that told me I was going to tip her whether I liked it or not. I’m a good sport so I smiled and moved on. I turned around and was face to chest with their friendly neighborhood bouncer in a suit and tie who informed me that he was gonna search me and let me tell you he wasn’t kidding. After convincing him that my car keys weren’t a weapon for the third time, and that my partner’s belt was indeed necessary for him to keep his pants up, he took our carnival tickets ripped them and tossed them in the trash and let us inside. Now for the sake of saying it, “Why the hell do they even have these damn tickets anyway?” I mean he saw us pay the girl, couldn’t she save a few trees and just give him a thumbs up or something? It’s not like he couldn’t keep track of who had paid and who hadn’t since there were only about 16 people in the club while we were there.
Now generally when I hand carnival tickets to a man in a bad suit, I expect a roller coaster or something that delivers on the thrills and excitement, not a fucking House Of Whore-rors. The music played and the girl ( I think anyway ) danced on the main stage as we found our seats and settled into a table near the bar at the back of the club. The pool table was just off to our left but for some reason a large VERY tattooed Spanish man was just standing there with his arms crossed staring at us. So we didn’t play. The waitress was soon there to take our order and quickly bringing our drinks to us LOADED with so much ice that the very idea of actually drinking anything from the glass was laughable at best, depressing at worse.
The club itself is like some kind of Mad Max-ian, post apocalyptic, cyber-punk nightmare that no fiction, however fantastic, could make up and was all too real at the same time. It’s filled with flashing, flickering colored fluorescent lights that are intermixed with their dying black lights cousins as exposed wiring and clichéd disco balls scatter the ceiling. The walls have these 70s style nude-E mirror lights with submissive women in provocative poses that draw your attention away from the dancer’s crazy off rhythm “dancing” long enough to wonder just where the hell they got them. The stage itself isn’t that bad however, as it’s lined of course with the 2 dollar a yard strip lights from Honest Ed’s but the three vertical poles sticking out of it’s plain square frame are a nice touch. It has a small dance floor with two rounded edges at the front corners that two of the three poles stick out from. A small staircase near the back makes for an entrance and while we didn’t like the club at least they kept something on the stage at all times even to the point that one girl was trying to get her top back on in a small alcove only to be checked into the wall by the next girl up.
The girls themselves are pushy and go from borderline abrasive to flat out rude at times.. Granted, it’s a slow night on a Saturday but when I say I don’t want a dance, the odds on me taking the deal or bargains that you’re offering me aren’t going to change my mind. The “V.I.P.” section has a ten dollar cover charge attached to it and the standard price for a dance is 20 dollars a song but the girls are willing to haggle down to 30 dollars total for 2 dances. That’s right people, they are willing to take a loss of ten dollars just to make sure you spend every last dime you have in your pocket. Isn’t that nice of them?
As we were fleeing the place after spending MORE than enough time there, we spotted a chandelier hanging from the entrance and I couldn’t help but comment to my friends that it was the one thing missing to make it a truly cyber-punk, ghetto booty theater. So in closing, if you want watered down drinks with plenty of ice and possibly the rudest girls this side of New Jersey by all means go to Caddy’s. Or you could just go bowling and actually have some fun.
Review Date: April 18th 2009
