Club Paradise
Club Paradise Review 8.1
Heaven On Bloor
As my stereo told me another story of love, hate and the world according to a pissed off drug addicted rock star, we were slowly driving down Dufferin for another of adventure in the concrete jungle of Toronto. As usual, we were given advice and requests for places to visit and not to visit, but out of all of them there was one that apparently none of our friends or family had been to which was a little surprising to us considering how great the place is.
Club Paradise is located a little west of the Lansdowne subway station on the south side of Bloor and nestled neatly beside a Value Village and a Christian Fellowship. I’ll grant you it’s a little surprising to find that many religious organizations so close to strip clubs but perhaps the city planned it so that when you drove down the street you would be washing it with your tears since you’d be laughing so damn hard. I know we were.
As for actually parking, when you want to go to Club Paradise that’s another matter entirely and since were talking about the Bloor and Lansdowne area, I know what you’re thinking, “There ain’t no parkin’ down there.” Of course you would be right for the most part and indeed parking in that area is a pain in the ass and is going to cost you a good couple of bucks. If you plan on parking at the Lansdowne subway station’s lot, it’s half a block to the club. But what if I were to tell you that Club Paradise has you covered on parking? Yes, it surprised us too. But Club Paradise has a lot just to the west of their location that they use for their customer parking. That worked out quite well for us and the many other people who parked there. The Value Village parking lot that’s next to the club, gets filled up probably a little more than it does during it’s actual business hours and serves as the parking lot for Club Paradise. When we enquired about this over the phone to Paradise, they just said that if we parked on the East side of the lot then it shouldn’t be an issue but when we arrived the whole damn lot was filled to capacity. Apparently, people are just dying to get to Paradise.
Of course once you get there, that’s no surprise with how good of a time you’re bound to have as long as you’re not wearing, “a hat, a sports jersey, a tank top, gang paraphernalia or ripped jeans” as the sign in their entrance says or you can’t come in. We stood in a line for a little while as the club was packed to capacity on this mild Saturday in March and when we finally got up to the FREE coat check, we paid our three dollar cover charge to the nice lady with a little dish that says, “Tipping is Sexy”. She handed us each a small carnivalesque ticket from a long roll to get in and we stood at the edge of Paradise waiting for the head bouncer to let us past their velvet rope so that we could get inside. We were shown to our seats by a nice man with no neck but a very nice suit and he gave us a table right next to the stage and as we settled into our comfortable seats all I could think was that classic Hunter S. Thompson line, “Buy the ticket take the ride.” And smiled.
It took a little while to get our drink order in but as I had already said the place was packed, busy and buzzing with conversation and activity so we of course didn’t mind the slight wait and understood why there was one. But as soon as it was taken by our attractive smiling waitress, she came back within a reasonable time with our drinks and disappeared as quickly as she came into the club that was practically alive with activity. The black lights that do most of the lighting for Paradise were tossing many interesting patterns about the club and on the girls who like little glow in the dark angles were making the rounds. The large fully stocked bar on the side wall glowed deep red with a kind of devil’s food cake appeal that probably has served a lot of sinners and saints here in Paradise. As for the rest of the club, smoke and mirrors were the order of business as they play a kind of now you see me, now you don’t game with the private dance booths. Along the south wall, there are a row of mirrors that are lined with strip lights and on occasion you can catch a dancer pulling their prey back into these booths never to be seen again… with money anyway. Its your standard prices of course 20 dollars a dance… hands to yourselves ladies and gentlemen.
The girls and the stage are the only thing left to talk about but both of them are so damned impressive that my words are probably not going to do them the justice they deserve…but I’ll still give it my best shot. The stage at first glance is nothing spectacular and the only thing remarkable about it would probably be the dancer on top of it. It’s a semi circle with strip lights outlining the top and bottom with two vertical poles sticking out from the floor in to the ceiling. Now this is more or less the only thing you see when you look at the stage and I know what you’re thinking right now, that it doesn’t sound too impressive to warrant that lead in I gave you. The thing you don’t notice on the stage is how the girls get on and off and I was wondering about this myself when the first dancer was finishing up her show and then it happened. She stepped onto the slightly raised bottom of the back pole and slowly started to descend INTO the stage. Holy crap! I’ve seen some impressive entrances for stip clubs but this has to take the cake. They have a lift built into the stage that the girls ride up and down to get on and off the stage and when the next girl appeared out from the shaft, it was just breathtaking. The reason it was so breathtaking is not just the lift but the girls themselves… they’re fucking gorgeous, not a bad one in the bunch and they work the crowd like experts. They sit and flirt with you and make you feel welcome without the pressure that other clubs hit you over the head with to buy a dance or get the hell out. Zia a red headed knock out in Daisy Duke shorts and not much else is the prime example of just how friendly and mind pummelingly beautiful the girls are there. She sat with us for a while and made us feel at home in Paradise, and along with all the other angels there you never want to leave.
Of course, all good things come to an end and our time at Club Paradise was all too brief to say the least. They have a small semi private VIP room and next time we go I plan on shelling out the extra few dollars so that I can enjoy the place just that little bit more. Other places call themselves, “The Best” or “The Number One Strip Club In Toronto” but this club will never have to sink so low since its all in their name….. Club Paradise.
Review Date: March 28th 2009
